Didn't realize how grueling the schedule is for a "Carney" . (that's what we call ourselves) Life under the Big Top isn't quite as glamorous as I thought it would be. Not only do we have our shows but we must help with setting up and tearing down of the tent and stands. It's not unusual to put in a 16 to 18 hour day. Foods good though, anything that the concessionaires don't sell by the end of the night, we can have for half price.
Amazingly, I have developed a whole new appreciation for the people, such as myself, that have physical defects, either by nature or from life's unfortunate circumstances. We all eat, sleep, and breath like normal people. We laugh, cry, and feel pain, the same as everyone else. (maybe a little more) But the one thing that stands out among all of us "freaks" is the love. The love for one and other. The compassion and caring for each other. It's unbelievable.
I know that I will never be able to fit back into a normal society and sometimes when the kids point at me and laugh, I just want to find a place to hide until I die. But knowing that I am one of a chosen few, who get up every day and somehow manage to find the strength and dignity to make their lives seem meaningful, gives me hope and a belief that my life has purpose.
Maybe some day when the circus comes through your town, you will come visit me. I hope that I don't frighten you. Until then, I'll keep an eye out for you...
"Scar Face" (that's my stage name)
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