All God's Soldiers

I wrote this for my little sister who passed away from cancer. Who would have know that she would be so brave, that she would show us the way and still thank God every day for her time with all of us. This poem sits at her grave site.

You walked this earth a soldier,

In every sense of the word.

We watched you fight your battle,

Your courage was your sword.

Cancer was the battlefield,

Your life was the war you fought.

And as the battles grew harder,

“Tomorrow” was your only thought.

Through the battles you fought brave,

But in the end you lost the war.

Yet, never questioning your commander,

“Why me God or How much more?”

Now you stand with an army of angels,

No more battles, thunder or rain.

For the fallen shall be forgiven,

And the Lord will ease your pain.

The Soldier that we honor here,

Has shown us all the way.

So walk the valley bravely,

And listen to what she’d say…

       “God loves me”

A Darker Day

Please remember this was written many years ago and only reflects a darker time in my life...

Too much time alone has broken my will,
Now my only thoughts are of myself to kill.
It's as if a curse or a spell has been cast on me,
And no matter what I do I can't break free.

Please don't think of me in a negative way,
No matter how it ended I began another day.
With an attitude so focused and new,
But in the end there was nothing I could do.

Once the mind takes over a broken heart,
It's a matter of time before we must part.
And although I struggle with what I will do,
To myself I must be true.

No longer motivated to work with no pay,
There's nothing left at the end of the day.
And debt and collections I now face,
No longer my head held high, a failure, a disgrace.

In time I hope you will see,
From my demons I must be free.
Memories of my past and mistakes I have made,
Trapped in my mind, like sun with no shade...

Learning to Forget

In Time we Learn to Forget,
In Time the Pain from Our Losses will Fade,
We will look at an Old  Photograph and remember Fondly.
In Time Our Lives will Fill with Other Losses,
In Time we will Gather and Reminisce,
A Memory will go from Laughter to Tears.
In Time we will sit Alone and Cry Harder than we did Today,
In Time We will Learn to Love More,
We will Learn Not to Take Life for Granted.
In Time we Will Hug each Other Tighter and find it Hard to say Goodbye,
In Time it will become our Time and Someone else will have to Learn to Forget.

Faith

... And now we stand at the edge, hand and hand, looking out at the world, our destiny laid out before us. A choice, a commitment, a leap of faith, but one we will take together. If you let go of my hand, if you lose your grip, if the road you follow comes to an end... Believe in your intuition, know you have a purpose, and remember... that when we jumped, we did so as one. And when we land... nothing will have changed.

Untitled

I wish that I could understand...
  So people would know just who I am.
I wish I knew just what to say...
  And then I wouldn't miss another day.
I hope someday I find true love...
  Elusive and fleeting like a dove.

Stuff

Communication... seems like a complicated word. So many variations and levels... But it's not, it's actually very simple. Communication is the single thread that holds people together... in life and in love.

The key is focus and reaffirming your beliefs everyday. Set your goals and stay on course. Set backs only make you stronger. And, patience... is mandatory.

Scarface

I sent this to a friend after my cancer surgery next to my left eye... I told her that I decided to join the circus. She said she almost cried.


Didn't realize how grueling the schedule is for a "Carney" . (that's what we call ourselves) Life under the Big Top isn't quite as glamorous as I thought it would be. Not only do we have our shows but we must help with setting up and tearing down of the tent and stands. It's not unusual to put in a 16 to 18 hour day. Foods good though, anything that the concessionaires don't sell by the end of the night, we can have for half price.

Amazingly, I have developed a whole new appreciation for the people, such as myself, that have physical defects, either by nature or from life's unfortunate circumstances. We all eat, sleep, and breath like normal people. We laugh, cry, and feel pain, the same as everyone else. (maybe a little more) But the one thing that stands out among all of us "freaks" is the love. The love for one and other. The compassion and caring for each other. It's unbelievable.

I know that I will never be able to fit back into a normal society and sometimes when the kids point at me and laugh, I just want to find a place to hide until I die. But knowing that I am one of a chosen few, who get up every day and somehow manage to find the strength and dignity to make their lives seem meaningful, gives me hope and a belief that my life has purpose.

Maybe some day when the circus comes through your town, you will come visit me. I hope that I don't frighten you. Until then, I'll keep an eye out for you...

"Scar Face" (that's my stage name)